yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
