I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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