You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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