i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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