i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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