You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
