just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
