No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
