I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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