i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
