Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize