I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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