singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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