i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
