I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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