So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
