wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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