She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
