Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sext me about skeletons
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
