What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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