You're my little dorito
So drunk its hurt
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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