Best friends brother. Beat that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
