You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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