I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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