Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm too high and old for this...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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