As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
