please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Houston, we have a blender
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
