I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Too much gin, very little bucket
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
