Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
