The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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