I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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