Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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