U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
foreskin is a definite game changer
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
