Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
