barbara walters just said penis...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
