I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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