he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
