I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
