You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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