Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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