just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
