I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
