Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
