Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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