when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
