I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
