swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
