I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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