In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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