We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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