My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
