he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
