You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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