College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
