i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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