come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
