Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
