I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
