You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
