I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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